Biggest Loser!

Okay, saw this today, and I'm thrilled! I. LOVE. THIS. SHOW.

Could not be happier that it starts again tonight...!!

Bad Kristen

Okay, I admit it... I'm in a slump. I don't want to make a pile of a thousand excuses, but believe me, (in my head) I have my reasons.

So. Today, I'm thinking:

- That program through NTC starts next week... how cool will it be to get a pen and a magnet! Surely that's a good enough reason to get going again!

- My body is aching because I've been sitting and working for so many days straight. It's easy to let that be an excuse not to go to the Y (how can I work out? my neck and back are so sore!) when truthfully, a little activity would probably do wonders for me.

- Even though I've never been so freakishly busy in my life, that's no reason to neglect getting out and doing something that might not sound too appealing initially but will absolutely positively make me feel better after I've done it.

- I will take some time out of my crazy hectic work-filled schedule to get to the Y one day yet this week. Doesn't sound like a big goal, but it's the most hugest goal ever right now.

- I really don't like feeling like people around me have lost their faith in me. I'm hoping I still have some in myself. I THINK I do.

Stay tuned.

Still Here

I'm still here!! I've just been really, really busy. I just launched my photography website and a brand new blog. It's exciting! But between that and school and starting piano lessons and awesome photo sessions and editing pictures, I've got more on my plate than I can handle right now. Some days I'm so busy that I go hours between meals, without even thinking about food. Come on now!!! For me? That's HUGE!! I did "officially" weigh myself on Sunday... will post that, too. Just haven't gotten that far.

I will do my best to update more regularly, so please keep checking in on me. Keep me accountable!! I can only do so much for myself... you guys are very helpful.
(Thank you!)

In case you've missed seeing my wonderful self-portraits, here is one from a very comical series I took this afternoon in an effort to put a picture of me on my new website... it was actually quite a workout! I don't have a remote for my camera so I had to set the timer, run to my spot, run to check the photo, hit the "go" button again, run to my spot, on and on for like 20 really bad pictures. My heart was definitely going!

Timing is Everything

I've had a pretty hard time lately being motivated.

There, I said it. It's amazing how a little "off" time can spiral into a LOT of "off" time... It hasn't been AWFUL by any means, but I just don't have that same drive that I had early last week. I haven't been to the Y yet this week and I promise I'm not letting the fact that I've never been so busy/overwhelmed in my life be a reason NOT to go workout, because the honest truth is I'm just not motivated, so being freaky busy isn't what's the problem. I just feel really unmotivated, I'll say it again.

So today, I decided to look for something seriously inspiring. Something great! Something to help get me going again and get me feeling really good about taking control. I thought for a little bit and did a little searching online, but besides Ali (about whom I've already posted), I wasn't finding anything today at all that felt good enough to really motivate me. I wasn't looking just for something good to post, I wanted to find something that really DID inspire me!

But no such luck. I threw in the towel... I said enough with searching and decided I'd better get back to work. It felt pretty deflating, but that's honestly how I've been feeling anyway about losing weight, so whatever.

And then I checked my work email.



How is that for timing? But don't worry-- it isn't like I'm going to give myself a vacation until that program starts! I did already join and it will just give me a little something extra to work for. Totally cool with that.

The Ugly Truth

Okay, here's the truth... and it's ugly.

I went away last week on Thursday, to a cabin on an island that was FILLED to the brim with tons and tons of food. And then someone brought DQ cake. And someone else brought the most amazing brownies I've ever had.

Yes, that's right. HAD. Had many, in fact.

So here's the ugly truth of what happens when I eat as much as I possibly can for four days straight and completely and totally fail at the goals I mentioned in my last post:



What can I say? I didn't get fat because I have exceptional self-control, DUH.

But it ain't over. I'm still here, and I'm still determined to do this right. I had a setback... a bump in the road... an extended weekend of feeling like my normal self again and all the ugliness that can entail.

Won't be the last time, I can pretty much promise you that. But what's most important, is I plan to make it 'the exception,' and not 'the rule.'

You'll see.

(And thank you, thank you again to those of you who are checking in on me and thinking good thoughts for me!!)

Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3...

We are leaving today to go to a cabin with some friends, and although I'm unbelievably excited to get away and see great friends, I'm crazy-scared about what it means for me and my weight loss effort.... it'll be a test. A HUGE test.

Normally we eat like kings when we're away like this, and normally I stash a few candy bars or treats or something else I might be craving in my bag for emergency use because surely I'm not getting enough to eat already (sssh, don't tell Andy about the treat stash!).

Oh boy...

So, I can tell you several things about this weekend:

1) I really will try to do well overall.

2) It will be a really, really challenging weekend for me.

3) The chance that I will go the whole weekend or even one whole day without indulging a little bit is about as likely as me winning the lottery tonight without even having bought a ticket.

4) I will do as much as I can to remember the 'big picture.'

So we'll see. I'd like to promise that it will be great and I'll eat just right for someone trying to lose weight, but I know me and I know I'm strong and capable of losing this weight and all that, but I'm also not perfect and self-control with food has NEVER been a quality I possess.

Will definitely check in on Sunday when we get back!! Think good thoughts for me!!

A "Before" Picture

This is one of the pictures I took the other day when I was taking a photo for my Project 365 (see the link to the right if you have no idea what I'm talking about). I saw it, and had another "WHOA!!!" moment.



I plan to be sure to remember it one day as a "Before" picture...

So Wise... Again

I know I'm supposed to look at things from the perspective of making a 'lifestyle change' rather than 'I'm on a diet,' but I saw this quote today and I wanted to share.

"A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit." ~Author Unknown

Love that! I'm Kristen. I'm a chronic over-feeder, paying a bigtime penalty.

Mr. Miserable

I found this little gem yesterday when I was out with April. Do you remember these?



So this little ditty, "Mr. Happy" by Roger Hargreaves, really, really spoke to me today. I'd like to share the moral of the story with you. (And I wanted to write the whole story out, but I don't want to infringe on any copyrights, etc, so here is the story, paraphrased by me):

Everyone that lives in Happyland is super, super happy. Mr. Happy is a 'fat, round and happy' inhabitant of Happyland (although I admit I was skeptical of just how happy Mr. Happy could be being fat and round, but that's another story). But seriously, you wouldn't believe just how happy EVERYONE in Happyland is!!

Then one day Mr. Happy finds a path that eventually leads him to a new guy, Mr. Miserable, who I'm sure you can guess is not at all happy. In fact, Mr. Miserable says he's "the most miserable person in the world," although he would "give anything to be happy."



So Mr. Happy tells Mr. Miserable to follow him, and when Mr. Miserable questions where they're going Mr. Happy tells him, "Don't argue!" and he takes him back to Happyland... eventually Mr. Miserable starts to feel better and even smiles and laughs for the first time ever, which makes Mr. Happy laugh and everyone else in Happyland laughs with them, too.

And then there's the last part of the story: "And that's really the end of the story except to say that if you ever feel as miserable as Mr. Miserable used to, you know exactly what to do, don't you?"



Take home message? You can tell where I'm going with this, I'm sure, so I won't go on and on about it... What I will say is that I DO know exactly what to do, and I'm going to keep doing it. Every day, for as long as it takes.

Weighing In

Checking In

Checking in tonight... Overall, I have been doing pretty well! I'd love to say I've been doing AMAZING, but I had a few too many bars this weekend to say AMAZING. (The chewy chocolate type, not the over-21 type). And, sadly I haven't worked out since Thursday, since we've been out of town with family.

I intended to weigh in this morning and post my weight for my first "weekly weight" report, but when I got home, I didn't like what the scale said so I am going to wait and do it right away tomorrow morning. I always like my weight better right away in the morning... it's the best it gets all day :)

Here's a (scary) self-portrait of Andy and I from this weekend...



PS- You know how sometimes you take/see a picture of yourself that you hate right away because you think you look fat (or whatever other reason you come up with)? Well. I'd just like to say that if I hid every single picture I ever felt that way about, I'd never show anyone a single picture of myself, and the fact that I'm feeling that but posting them all anyway is interestingly kind of like seeing a therapist... It's in-your-face, can't ignore it, "it is what it is" therapy. Love it.

Not Myself Today.

I woke up this morning and actually WANTED to go to the Y. Whoa.

Had a very nice date, then, with the elliptical machine and my itunes. My favorite workout song right now: 'My Life Would Suck Without You' by Kelly Clarkson. That one really, really makes me want to push it... Love that! It also makes me think of my hubby because that's his ringtone on my phone, and of course there is nothing I like to think about more than my hubby.

(Here's a picture of me and Andy taken during the summer of 2002. Don't I look good!?!?)


I grabbed a class schedule at the Y today... I totally want to go to one soon! (After I feel a little 'broken in,' if you know what I mean!) Maybe even one day a spinning class with Katie?

Will also have to start doing some strength-training soon, too. Definitely important.

On the way out of the Y this cute little kid came up to me and asked if I wanted to buy some lemonade. My first thought about the lemonade was remembering the traditional kool-aid, one-full-cup-of-sugar-with-a-little-bit-of-water-type lemonade, and I thought "No way!" so I told him I didn't have my wallet with me (not really a lie because when he asked me I truly did not have my wallet with me, but it was in the car about 20 yards away, so it was kind of a lie). I felt kind of bad because I would normally have spent the 50-cents or $1 or whatever it was, but I honestly didn't want the sugar. (In retrospect, I suppose I could have just either given him a $1.00 donation or asked him if it was sugar-free... I mean come on, they were selling it at the Y!)

And then before I got out of the car at home, I looked at my workout shoes (that I only wear at the Y) and decided to leave them in my car because I figure I'll just have to grab them again when I go to the Y tomorrow morning...

Who IS this person!?!?!

(And just to be clear, I'm not a completely new 'me' yet: The old me could be seen last night at Cancun shoveling chips and white stuff in my mouth one right after the other with barely a breath in between... ) :)

So Wise

I read a quote tonight that totally caught my attention:

"Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork." ~English Proverb

Baby Steps

I went for a walk tonight with my hubby... Besides being relaxing and good for me and a nice chance to spend quality time with my hubby and all that, I thought it would be a perfect chance to get a good "activity" type photo for my blog (I can't help it, I love photography and I'm always thinking about taking photos).

But, I have to say- this picture actually shocked me. It isn't just because it's a picture of me from the back (would anyone love a picture of themself from the back?)... The truth is, although there are definitely daily signs in my life that point out that I really have let my weight get out of control (which I'm sure I'll describe in another post another day), I do NOT feel like the person in that photo. Honestly, when I look at it, I'm like.... really? Is that what I look like?

So I have to admit I'm proud of myself for even posting it. (Finding a way to be proud... trying to make that a theme). When I first saw this picture, I almost deleted it immediately~ surely I was NOT going to post something that looks like that!

But then I remembered the point of all this... I'm making a change, and whether I intended for it to happen or not, that IS what I look like right now, and that DOESN'T make me happy, so that's EXACTLY the reason I'm posting it. Facing the truth, and taking responsibility... for me, I'm not going to be able to change anything if I don't really start doing exactly that.

So, I'm posting the picture for everyone to see... baby steps.

And for a little progress report-- I've really had an amazing couple of days, especially yesterday! I worked out at the Y and ate just perfectly all day. It felt really good! Today I relaxed a little in the afternoon/evening... they got pie today at work especially to say goodbye to me (my last day at the clinic is tomorrow), and I had a piece and was just fine with it. I'm going to have days where I want a piece of pie or something else like that (although Carrie, good for you for turning down that brownie!!), and that's going to be okay with me. I know I'm making an overall change, but I don't expect to give up everything I love and everything I'm used to-- especially not right away. Again, baby steps. But good ones :)